I am oh so aware of....

"A moth into a butterfly
And a lie
Into the sweetest truth
I'm so afraid of life"

I just felt my head implode a little bit.
I don't know what it was,but one minute I'm sitting on the couch,eating some bbq chips ,and this Bowflex commercial comes on.

I shouldn't be reading "No Logo",either. I feel paranoid and very cynical. After a brief history of advertising and how it when from "talking about a product" to " selling a lifestyle" I've just been oh so aware of brands and labels. I recall walking down a hallway and all I saw was logos and lifestyles-I don't even remember seeing one single human being.

Yikes.

I think this,combined with my incredible self concious nature,just made my head spin.

And you know what else gets me?

I feel like I'm the last one.For everything. I'm the last to know,the last to finish,the last to be alive.
It makes me naseous,this over evaluating and critical thinking and hypothesizing of "the new generation". It's repulsive and degrading. Every little mannerism and hobby and subculture is just sliced apart slowly and stuck on a petri dish,and assaulted by a high powered microscope until someone can determine what the fuck is wrong with it. There's nothing wrong with me.

But will I care in a few years? No.Will I attempt to change it for the future? No. There is no future. I'm beginning to believe I am the last one. Not that it's my fault this planet is so fucking crazy.I personally accuse the Cold War period for fucking everyone over. It was just tragic,the way people just accepted whatever their government told them,like a whore taking it in the ass.

I think life is overly romanticized to souls on the other side-The way North America was to immigrants. And so is History. You wanna know something about history? It's in the past because it was awful and didn't work.

Roman Empire: What's so fucking great about aqeducts-we moved on to indoor plumbing. And many decisions were not even thought out (ironically,my criticism of modern culture is perhaps we evaluate too much),everything was selected out a large pot.The only thing acceptable about that time era is at least they had their religon right-paganism I mean.

Middle Ages:Low grade food,atrocious work hours, the rise of Christianity, woman had no rights,the ravaging of the common folk-THE PLAGUE. We're due for another good bout of The Plague. I'd like to control it,mind you.

Enlightenment: Hurray! A printing press! Now the 4% of the population who can read,have more to read,and faster.Meanwhile,women are being beat until they resemble a blighted potato, men work for virtually nothing,and children are being forced down mine shafts to dig up some coal they cannot afford.

20th Century: Easily one of the most disgusting time periods ever. It is beyond comprehension.I mean,the logistics of it make sense,but it's morally revolting. There were so many people that had to die-and you know waht,they didn't die so we could vote and be free. They died because they were blood lusting young men with heavy duty weaponry. The only people who couldn't vote were the natives,and they got the vote in the 50's or 60's-whatever,it was later on.

You know who I'm also fed up with? Natives! God damn, I wish I could send them back over the Berring Land Bridge.

On an individual basis,I usually like everyone. Personality wise,I'm 'down" with mostly everyone. It' just that whole "This-was-our-land-and-we-want-it-back-because-you-abused-us-and-stuck-us-in-schools-so-we-are-going-to-make-a-stink-over-every-little-slight-even-though-you-didn't-intend-for-it-to-be-a-slight."

Fuck you,aboriginal population.(in hindsight..that's fucking myself,because I am part Haida.Does that count as masterbation?)

When an invading army comes in and wins a war,the land goes to the conquerer.You are a conquered peoples. Europeans have made the lives so much better-we offered trade,prosperity,a healthier lifestyle.Not all of it was ethical,persay,but that's war.It's never ethical.

As for Aboriginal schools-As if you pompous people think we were trying to ruin the family unti-we were trying to give your filthy haggard children an education!

I mean,again,was it all ethical?Of course not. Do I agree with them? No. But that should be placed on the individual,not the entire white race of people.

And have they not prospered? Do they not get favoured for jobs,for financial aid.They have their own government department for christssake! They have their own course in school! And every oppurtunity given,we have to hear about the plight of the aboriginal.

Fuck you.Just,fuck you.
What about kids like me,huh? The ones that actually value an education,who have a future,who don't try to emulate gangsters,who don't drink hand sanitizer for the alcohol content. There's no "department for Caucasian children" no scholarships because I'm white. There's nothing for me based on my race.If anything,you have a leg up on me,and yet I want this world so much more badly than you!


Free hunting licenses.Free universities.More financial aid.Government provided homes and toys. Special government departments.Favortism in the work place.

And you REALLY think you're at a disadvantage.